BONUS SCENE
Summer Lovin'
New York City is the best place in the world to live. Except, during a heat wave. The hot air blowing up from the sewer grates, the scorching pavement, the crowds and congestion, all can make you feel like an ant stuck under some twisted son of a bitch’s magnifying glass.
To beat the most recent heat, all of us decided to head up to my parent’s country house for the weekend. It’s got the best amenities: privacy, manicured gardens, and a huge, custom designed pristine swimming pool. That’s where we’re all hanging out right now, enjoying a perfect summer day - the water’s clear, the grill is sizzling and the beers are cold.
Kate’s sporting a fantastic stringy red bikini that’s almost as sexy as Princess Leia’s. I’m hoping she’ll let me untie it with my teeth later.
Oh, who am I kidding? Of course she’ll let me.
A few years back, my sister traded in her more revealing swimwear for one of those tank top/bathing suit combos mothers seem to favor. Delores Warren’s wearing a shiny metallic two piece covered by a billowy, multicolored, wrap.
If giant, killer butterflies actually existed? They’d look just like her.
Then there’s Mackenzie, treading water with those muscle floats on her arms, in a sunny yellow one piece. Kate and I are in the water too – splashing each other and having an occasional race. Matthew and Dee are reclined side by side on cushioned lounge chairs.
Sitting at an umbrella covered table, further down, are Steven and my sister. He whispers something in my sister’s ear, and she giggles. It never ceases to amaze me how - with just a few words - Steven can turn her from a force to be reckoned with to putty in his hands.
I’d actually think it was some pretty impressive game. If I didn’t find it so fucking gross.
A few more words and suggestive looks are exchanged, before Alexandra stands up and scurries towards the house. Steven stands and addresses us, “Hey guys, keep an eye on Mackenzie. Alexandra and I have some…stuff…to do.”
Matthew gives him the thumbs up, “You go, dude. Get your “stuff” while you can.”
Steven just grins and follows my sister.
Standing in waist deep water, I shake my head, “That’s disgusting.”
Kate splashes me, “I think it’s sweet. They’ve been married for a long time, they have a daughter but they’re still affectionate. Attracted to each other.”
I motion with my hand to the scenery around us, “It’s a family barbeque. Is it really so difficult to keep it in your pants for one day?”
Kate folds her arms and smirks, “Says the man who tried to get me to pull over to a rest stop for a backseat quickie, on the way up here, because he couldn’t keep it in his pants for one day?”
I chuckle and pull her close against me, “First of all, there wouldn’t have been anything quick about it. Secondly, that’s completely different.”
“How?”
“Because you, baby,” I peck her lips playfully, “are not my sister.”
With a smile, she stretches up to kiss me, but Mackenzie’s words make us both freeze.
“Momma and Daddy wrestle.”
And Matthew chokes on his beer.
I turns towards her, “What was that, sweetie?”
Her blue eyes sparkle with delight as she explains, “Dey wrestle all the time. Last night, I had a bad dream and I went in their room, and the covers were moving like this…” She splashes the water in front of her vigorously. “And I say, ‘Whatcha’ doin?’ And Daddy say they were wrestlin’.”
I grimace in revulsion.
But it just gets worse.
“And they were wrestlin’ really hard, cause Momma was groanin’ and…and…they looked like a people pretzel!”
Kate immediately covers her mouth and laughs into her hand. I glare at her, “That’s not funny.” I point to the sides of my head, “These ears will never unhear that.”
And I’ll never look at a hot pretzel the same way again. God damn it.
Oblivious to my nausea, Mackenzie keeps talking, “Grammy and Pop don’t wrestle.”
I nod approvingly and point my finger at her, “That’s right – Grandma and Pop do not wrestle. Ever.”
She nods back.
Then she adds, “They shower-share.”
Christ Almighty
Delores sits up, “What’s shower-share, Mackenzie?”
“Last week, I sleeped over their house, and in da morning’ I went in to the bathroom, and Grammy and Pop were showering’ together.”
Do you think if I ask Matthew to hold my head under water until I pass out, it’ll damage my short term memory enough that I’ll forget I ever knew what my niece just fucking told us?
It’s worth a shot, right?
Mackenzie goes on, “And Grammy say they were con…cons…”
“Conserving water?” Kate suggests.
She smiles gratefully, “Yeah – dat.”
Then she swims off to play with the jets at the other end of the pool. And everyone, but me, chuckles.
Matthew says, “Anne and John still getting their kicks. Good for them.”
I frown, “You only think that because it’s not your frigging parents.”
“My parents are ancient, man. If they try kicking anything, they’re gonna bust a hip.”
Delores scoffs at him, “Your parents totally still do it. I’ve seen the looks your mom gives your dad.”
Matthew insists, “Yeah – it’s called confusion.”
She shakes her head, “Everyone knows the male libido is inherited from the paternal gene set.”
Matthew confesses, “I love it when you use clinical terms,”
Delores ignores him, “Which means, however horny you two are, you can bet your asses that that’s exactly how horny your-“
Kate puts her hands up in the air, “Stop! At the risk of ruining my sex life forever, please don’t finish that sentence.”
I do a couple laps, just to be on the safe side. Then I spend the next fifteen minutes tossing a squealing Mackenzie from one end of the pool to the other.
****
An hour later, The Bitch and Steven rejoin our water activities. And my niece has lots to tell them. Alexandra stands near me in the low end, while Steven scoops their daughter up in his arms.
As he lays on his back and kicks for the deep end, Mackenzie chatters away, “Daddy, Penny Keebler, from school, she don’t wear swimmies to swim no more. And she say I a baby cause I do.”
Steven sympathizes, “Well that wasn’t very nice of her.”
“No – is not. But Uncle Drew say he gonna teach me to swim without swimmies too! Today!”
Alexandra bestows an appreciative, big-sister smile on me.
Until Mackenzie says, “And then, I be able to tell Penny Keebler, to take her swimmies and her Keebler Elf cookies and shove ‘em up her ass.”
She may or may not have learned that phrase from me. I plead the fifth.
My sister scowls, “Nice. Real nice, Drew.”
I rub the back of my neck, “That one’s gonna cost me, isn’t it?”
She agrees. Then she sweeps my legs out from under me and shoves me beneath the water.
I escape and head over to the adjoining Jacuzzi where Kate is currently soaking. I sit in front of her and she wraps her legs around my waist. I lean back against her chest and she kisses my neck softly before resting her chin on my shoulder.
“You’re really great with her.”
She means Mackenzie. I shrug, “She’s awesome to be with.”
Then I turn around and smirk, “You’re insanely turned on right now, aren’t you?”
“No…” But her blush gives her away.
My fingers tease the edges of her bikini bottoms, “Don’t lie. It’s an automatic response. Anytime a woman sees a guy with a puppy or a kid – bam – goes right to the ovaries.”
“Wait, let me check.” Kate rolls her eyes upward and is quiet for a second. “Nope – my ovaries are completely under control.”
“If you say so.”
Then I lean forward and kiss her like I’ve wanted to all day. Our tongues dance, and our bodies slide, and the warm pulsing of the Jacuzzi helps me imagine the stupendous fucking time Kate and I could have in this very spot. If we were here – alone.
And now I know just what Kate and I will be doing next weekend. All weekend.
Mackenzie’s sweet voice calls out, “Uncle Drew? Is you and Aunt Kate gonna wrestle?”
Slowly, I sit up and answer, “ No, Aunt Kate and I aren’t going to wrestle right now.” Then I turn back to Kate and whisper, “But later on, and tomorrow, and here, next week…”
She wiggles her eyebrows, “Definitely.”
*******
Emma is an avid reader. Before her children were born she was known to consume whole books in a single day. Writing has also always been a passion and with the 2013 release of her debut romantic comedy, Tangled, the ability to now call herself an author is nothing less than a dream come true.
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