BLOG HOP & REVIEW - In Too Deep by Michelle Kemper Brownlow

The strong force of the wave pulled me under. I gasped for air just before my face disappeared below the surface. My body rolled over and over, my arms flailed, and my head pounded into the sea bed which felt like a concrete floor. The salty water stung my eyes. I forced myself to keep them open, fearing I would slip into unconsciousness from the blow I took to the head. I knew I had to hold it together long enough for the swell to pull me back up when the wave rolled. But something was pulling me deeper. I fought with all my might, kicking against the thick water swallowing me whole. I used my arms like underwater oars and sliced through the depths trying to reach what I needed most, but I was in too deep.
“Get out!” I could barely get the words out before I had to run to the bathroom and void my gut of its contents. Noah didn’t move.
I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand and screamed, “I said, Get! Out!” I stumbled back into the room, grabbed the box of mementos I’d collected from the last year of our relationship, and dumped everything into the trashcan in the corner. Like a communal grave, there lay movie tickets, dried rose petals, a strip of photos from the boardwalk, all the beautiful letters he wrote last fall semester, an empty beer bottle, and all the rest of what was now just a reminder of the guy I thought I knew.
“Gracie, don’t…” His face fell, but he didn’t move from the edge of my bed.
“Don’t? Don’t what, Noah? Don’t break up with you? Are you kidding?” My ears burned from his admission of guilt. It hit me broadside. I wasn’t prepared for the words he had spoken just moments before.
The rush of water covering me grew cold. Icy. My body quaked. My lungs burned and begged for air. I could see light above. It glimmered and danced on the small waves my panic created. I reached for the surface. Even if I couldn’t pull myself up, maybe just feeling the sun’s warmth would stop the shivering that threatened to unravel me.
My legs gave out beneath me and I crumbled into a heap on my apartment floor. I sobbed so uncontrollably I gasped for air. I was livid. Repulsed. Crushed and torn. Noah was the love of my life, and things were just getting back to the way I longed for them to be. Back to what used to be our “normal.” Before he pledged Sigma Chi. Our relationship hadn’t been easy since I transferred to Knoxville. But our story wasn’t ready to end.
It went something like this:
Bad boy meets good girl.
First kiss.
Bad boy turns sensitive.
Love.
Good girl gives sensitive boy all of her.
Long distance.
Flowers. Love letters.
Long, sweet phone calls.
Good girl transfers to sensitive boy’s school.
Sensitive boy becomes fraternity boy.
Drunken social events.
Secrets revealed.
Fraternity boy pulls good girl under.
Good girl finds herself in too deep....

In Too Deep tells the story of Gracie, Noah, and Jake. Gracie falls for Noah. Noah is “unabashedly handsome, intriguingly reckless and just cocky enough to be sexy.” Noah is also a seemingly reformed bad boy who falls for Gracie too. But, is Noah really reformed or is Gracie in too deep? We quickly find out that Noah isn’t nearly as reformed as Gracie had thought.

By the end of Chapter 2, we know that Noah is a complete and total douchebag. Are you thinking to yourself, “Are you sure? He can’t be that bad. Can he?” Yes! The answer is yes! When Gracie questions Noah about a certain skank named Ivy, the floodgates open. He tells her not just about Ivy but other girls he has cheated on her with. But get this! He doesn’t just admit to cheating, he tries to frame it in a way that justifies his behavior! Regarding Ivy, he says,

“I was headed to the bathroom when Ivy came out. She pressed herself against me and said someone once told her she gave head like a porn star. Then she asked if she could show me…Baby, she was so wasted. She’ll never remember…Let me explain…I knew she would chicken out and it would drive her crazy that she had a chance but didn’t have the balls to do it…I didn’t think she’d actually do it.”

Are you kidding me right now with this explanation? It gets worse. Trust me. Noah’s explanations and rationalizations get even more ridiculous with each girl he admits to cheating on Gracie with. But do you know what is more irritating than Noah’s explanations? Gracie’s response to Noah’s crap! Wait. I take that back. Gracie’s initial reaction was great! She was repulsed by Noah’s admissions and told him to leave. She was heartbroken but stood her ground. Gracie even told her best friend, Jake that she “didn’t want to be that girl, the victim.” Good! Good Gracie. My question now is: What the hell happened? Next thing you know, Gracie is clinging to Noah like she needs Noah to breathe. She even thinks to herself, “I need to be careful because I almost lost him once.” I’m confused. Did Gracie fall and hit her head in between the time she kicked Noah out of her room and that frat party where she starts examining her own behavior? Ugh.

I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking that I’m heartless and insensitive to the plight of poor, sweet Gracie. I get it. I do. If In Too Deep was written to be a commentary on the topic of emotional abuse, that’s an admiral undertaking. It is. However, it didn’t work for me in this story. Mostly, because Gracie was initially so strong and then she crumbled into this emotional wreck that kept going back to Noah for more and more pain and misery.

While she kept going back to Noah, we see glimpses of this beautiful relationship Gracie has with Jake. Now Jake…Jake is worth writing a book about. I like Jake. A LOT. Hmmmm….let’s see…Gracie has to choose between Noah who says things like, “How about I just try to be less of a dick and we see how things go.” and Jake, who says things like,

“…I’m also sad that you think you don’t deserve more. I wish you could see yourself through my eyes. I wish you knew your worth. I wish I could protect you from this pain. I wish you knew how truly beautiful you are and how much more you deserve. I think if you could see that, it would be easier to walk away from someone who is sucking the life from your remarkable heart…”

Did Jake just make you sigh a little right there? Jake makes me swoon. He does. Jake is the complete and total package. I heart Jake. I do. Gracie turns to Jake for strength when she is completely broken and drowning in her own pain and heartbreak. Here’s what I think about that: I think that we need way more Gracie and Jake than we get in In Too Deep. I would like more Jake. Do you hear that Michelle Kemper Brownlow?

I realize in writing this review that I may seem a bit harsh. Believe me: It wasn’t my intention. I am now a fan of Michelle Kemper Brownlow. I like her writing style a lot. I will read her future work. I will. However, as a strong-willed, independent woman, I took issue with Gracie and her plight in In Too Deep. It’s a ‘would’ve, should’ve, could’ve’ kind of book for me. There’s so much I wish the author would’ve done, should’ve done, and could’ve done with these characters and this story to make it exceptional. I think readers should read this story and decide for themselves how they feel about Gracie’s story. If for no other reason, read In Too Deep because Jake is pretty darn special!

Michelle Kemper Brownlow has been a storyteller her entire life. Her debut was on the high school cheerleading bus granting requests to re-tell her most embarrassing moments for a gaggle of hysterical squadmates.
Earning her Bachelor’s degree from Penn State University in Art Education and then marrying her very own “Jake,” she moved to Binghamton, NY where she taught high school. After having two children she quit work and finished her Master’s degree in Elementary Education at Binghamton University.
The Brownlow family of four moved to Michelle’s hometown of Morgantown, PA while the children were still quite young. A few years after moving, her family grew by one when they welcomed a baby into their home through the gift of adoption. The family still resides in PA, just miles from where that high school cheer bus was parked.
Michelle has been an artist for as long as she can remember, always choosing pencils and crayons over toys and puzzles. As a freelance illustrator, her simple characters play the starring roles in numerous emergent reader books published by Reading Reading Books.
“Writing is my way of making sense of the world. When I give my characters life on the pages I write, it frees up space in my mind to welcome in new stories that are begging to be told,” says Brownlow.

IN TOO DEEP’s sequel, ON SOLID GROUND, will be released sometime in December 2013.

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